


blue october

by Falkreath



Category: One Piece
Genre: (god these tags sound so sad im so sorry guys), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Drowning, M/M, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, mostly about luffy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-30 18:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15102350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falkreath/pseuds/Falkreath
Summary: The ocean isn't the same to Luffy after Marineford.The ocean is an escape.





	blue october

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys i wrote this when i was depressed at 5 am and it's also unbeta'd and only read thru like twice sorry i really just needed to vent and well luffy's there! sorry for possible ooc-ness
> 
> also sorry that i only write like. drabbles. my bad yall  
> ALSO sorry that this is really fuckin! uh! Sad!
> 
> IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMPORTANT !!!!!!!!! BIG WARNINGS for suicidal idealization, SUICIDE in general, so please please please i beg of you do not read that if you are triggered by it, please dont make yourself upset just cuz you want some good zolu, please dont. 
> 
> at first i was gonna have the fic end before the linebreak, but then i decided nah. the zolu isn't until the end, i'm sorry!! anyway

Drowning has never been the same since Marineford.

It’s odd to think about, because drowning is drowning, but to Luffy it is not. He has been drowning all his life, warded off from the waves as soon as they tried to lap at his feet, letting him laugh it off—he isn’t worried. He will be saved.

But drowning is not drowning after Ace leaves him, after he had nobody. Drowning is _escape._ Drowning is intentional, it is letting the ocean take back what originally belonged to her in the first place. It is a way out.

A way home.

Ace is dead. He had died by fire, so Luffy will die by water.

But nobody will let him.

Law monitors him, Rayleigh catches him when he slips too close to the edge, Jinbe distracts him and even goes as far as to hold him once he’s violently reminded of the family he still had—but does he really still have them?

Nobody will let him leave. He can’t say this is what he wants, because nobody will listen, and the ghosts of his crew scream at him every time the waves whisper and call him: _come forth, please, come home._

There is a time, on Rusukaina, where training has halted in exchange for healing, where the island lies quiet for once, a week of summer. Luffy has always loved summer.

Fireflies circle him as he stands at the islands edge, down into the water. The Calm belt—there are no waves. There is no wind. There is only sea, the kings who patrol it, and his own, lost self.

It is the first time he’s thought of this in a while.

It would be so easy, so easy to go home. His crews livelihood is a leap of faith in his mind—two years. He told them two years not long ago. A couple of weeks, maybe. Yet it is a guess, he has no clue if anyone will show up on Saboady. If he will get their obituaries next.

It is so simple, as a devil fruit user, to step in. To let go. The ocean will embrace you—it will be over soon.

Luffy steps forward. He could go. He could go, now, join the rest o—

“Luffy? What’re you doing over there?”

Nobody will let him.

“Nothing! It’s just nice out.”

_Nobody will let him._

Two years pass and the training distracts him from anything he may feel—he befriends animals out of loneliness when Rayleigh leaves, he cooks for himself and he keeps himself busy until it’s time to leave, his confidence at all time high, his lack of brothers shoved to the back of his mind.

Two years pass without a thought about the ocean swallowing him.

His crew reunited, they are sailing on the new world with excitement in the sails, new logpose for Nami to study, new prospects on their horizons.

He should be happy.

He _was_ happy.

 

But Luffy finds himself on the railing of the Sunny, he finds himself walking it late at night. Casually reckless, he thinks about how easy it’d be to slip. He could fall, fall right into the ocean. The Sunny’s a big ship. She has larger sides than the merry.

He has time to rocket himself back up.

Luffy turns his eyes up to the stars. He finds maybe he wouldn’t mind if he fell, after all, Ace is probably lonely now that he knows Sabo isn’t there with him. He could fall. It’s so easy to fall.

He wants to go home.

Luffy’s ankle slips on the next step, and he is tipping. Arms pinwheeling, voice caught, he plunges toward the water at a pace he didn’t expect, headfirst, and for the first time since he can remember, he is _scared_ of the water.

He breaks the surface and struggles to swim, never had been taught. It is so much worse, so much worse now that he is alone and he’s caught, the ocean dragging him down by his ankles.

His mind rushes like the water. He will not be pirate king, he will not see his friends achieve their dreams, he won’t see them or the sunny ever again and oh god— _oh god_ —

Luffy lets out a large breath, weakened, sagging in the water.

 

This is not his home.

 

…

 

“Do you want to explain to me what kind of STUPID bullshit is going through your head?!” Zoro snaps as soon as he’s pulled Luffy out of the water, shaking with worry as he brushes hair out of his face, listening to him cough, “you could’ve DIED, Luffy.”

There is something unspoken in the way Luffy doesn’t reply. Zoro feels himself grow confused when Luffy actively seeks him for comfort—a not necessarily new action, but one that never comes from a slip on the rail—but the confusion and the way Luffy curls into his body softens his anger, his worry taking its place.

He presses a kiss into Luffy’s soaked hair, holding him as he bumbles through words of comfort, unsure as to why Luffy can’t calm down, can’t let go.

_You’re okay,_ Zoro whispers, _I’m here, i’m here. You’re home, we’re back on the sunny, see?_

 

_You’re home._


End file.
